Breaking News: Coup in Iceland – Pirate Party is in Control of Parliament

Breaking News: Coup in Iceland – Pirate Party is in Control of Parliament

Update: This was an April fools joke. 

Early this morning, Icelandic time, the coast guard in Iceland stormed Althingi (their Parliament) and took control over the country. Radio Iceland started playing Viking folk tunes and insisted that the population keep calm and carry on being topless. All the Icelanders named Bjorg seem to have been particularly affected by the music, they gathered together in a hive and announced that “Resistance is futile”.

Herbert Snorrason complained that, technically, it was not a coup d’état but a putsch, however, nobody listened to his explanation. The international community, was more alarmed that the country seemed to have been turned over to organised c-rhyme. In an effort to stabilize the economy the Icleandic króna will be replaced with the dubloon. There had also been discussions of creating a second official currency, using harðfiskur (fish jerkey). This would help the Icelanders to have something to eat in case their currency crashed again, something much more useful than burning bank notes to keep warm.

Admiral Helgi Hrafn adapting to water

Admiral Helgi Hrafn adapting to water

The Coast guard decided that the only politicians they could even remotely relate to had to be the Pirates. One of the first decisions they took was to appoint a new head of the Coastguard, Admiral Helgi Hrafn Gunnarsson. They also decided, until a new Government could be chosen, to appoint Birgitta Jónsdóttir  as their new interim Prime Minister. Her reaction,when hearing this, was to stamp her foot and shout: “I told you before, I don’t want to be Prime Minister…I’m going back to Piha to listen to the tui”. Her second reaction was to announce that the new President will be holding a poetry reading at 12:00 in Thingvellir.

Birgitta Jónsdóttir seeking asylum in the US rather than becoming PM

Birgitta Jónsdóttir seeking asylum in the US rather than be PM

Admiral Helgi Hrafn took his new role seriously and calmed the Icelandic population. He reported that the coup had been bloodless (apart from two black swans ) and that the government was now in Pirate hands and safer than ever before. In  a daring raid on the University of Iceland’s secret prisons, euphemistically called green houses, Björn Þór Jóhannesson managed to liberate all the Icelandic bananas. The new government had also managed to get closer to the IMMI safe haven for their data when Jón Þór Ólafsson took control over the Icelandic secret police (Huldufólk ) and directed them to encrypt all communications into elvish for “national security reasons”.

Jón-Þór-Ólafsson with a top secret communication device

Jón-Þór-Ólafsson with a top secret communication device

One of the first political promises by the Pirate Party was to build a higher form of democracy on Iceland. The construction of a taller parliamentary building was initialized immediately. An added benefit is that the reconstruction is expected to release hot air from the Austurvöllur region (the area surrounding Alþingi), this should help to diversify Iceland’s green methods of energy production, at least in the short term.

 

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Aðalheiður Ámundadóttir with headache

Ásta Helgadóttir declared that “The Pirate Party has been doing really great in the polls but we cannot be bothered waiting. Iceland needs democracy and the people will get it whether they like it or not!” However, Aðalheiður Ámundadóttir, was not as happy as Ásta with the sudden success. Aðalheiður has been observed banging her head complaining, “There was enough to do with three.”

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Ásta ‘democracy or else’ Helgadóttir

James Robb reported that the Pirates have been busy in their new position of absolute power and a new bill is in the works, proposing that “being mean to the foreigners” could result in the application of a revived historic punishment: walking the plank.

Even though the Pirates were in a position of absolute power there were still some of them promoting more transparency in the government. Halldór Auðar Svansson said that in order to further his work in ensuring transparency in the capital city, all graffiti must be created using soapy water in future.  Other pirates got drunk on power immediately. Arnaldur Sigurðarson declared that effective immediately, Finnish Folk Metal would be compulsory in all bars,cafes, schools and youth clubs. This would prevent any attempts to organise resistance by drowning it out in the din.

Arnaldur drunk on metal power

Arnaldur drunk on metal power

Jon Gnarr is reported to be heading back to the country in order to lead the resistance movement. When smoke was seen to rise from the Athingi building there was a belief that he had already arrived. However, Jon Gnarr was reached for a comment and responded: “Is this a joke? I am the comedian around here!”. When investigated further it was not the building burning, the smoke was from a barbeque where Eva Lind Þuríđardóttir was roasting three rabbits, with eager help from the Reykjavik Police.

Smári McCarthy praying for a successful coup

Smari McCarthy praying for a successful coup

Smári McCarthy, speaking from his exile in Bosnia said,”Shit, I always miss the excitement – Just like in January 2009 when the government fell and I was in Afghanistan”. He went on to say that he would return as soon as possible to take his rightful role as ‘The Grand Wazoo of All Things Combobulated’ in this new government. His first action would be to replace their national anthem with a more suitable one Frank Zappa’s – The Grand Wazoo.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cy4p9cSYV0c

– “it just need some lyrics“, he added.

 

 

Featured image: Pirate Times CC BY-NC-SA  based on work by Börkur Sigurbjörnsson, Simon Allardice, Hot Gossip Italia & PPIS
Inpage images: PPIS , Pirate Manning Support Group & Republika Fest
Non Pirate Times Contibutors: Smári McCarthy, Arnaldur Sigurðarson and James Robb
Andrew Reitemeyer

About Andrew Reitemeyer

I joined the Pirate Party of Lower Saxony in Germany in April 2012, once I found out that non citizens were welcome to join and become active members of the Party. I joined the Pirate Times soon after it was started as a proof reader and am now an editor and author. Since then I have returned to my native New Zealand and joined the Pirate Party of New Zealand. Politically I come from the libertarian left and have, up to now, not regarded any political party as having a solution for the democratic deficit that envelops the world. With the advent of the Pirate Party, which truly embraces grass roots democracy, I have found a political home. The Pirate Times is a way I can contribute to furthering the Pirate Movement around the world. Skype: frithogar

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